...

My goal was to post a blog with a picture I have taken and somehow try to correlate a bond between the two, no matter how small or big the bond it may be.

...

There is no picture I have taken, or could take, to express what I am about to say.

Someone who meant a lot to me died today. I never really believed that something like that would happen to me. You see it happen to people everywhere, and you think to yourself, 'Oh God, that's terrible. I don't know what I would do if I was in their shoes.'

I don't know what to do. I am completely and utterly crushed.

It all started freshman year. I was having a bad day at school and started crying at lunch. He came up to me, not knowing who I was, and sat down. He then started rubbing my back and asked who upset me. Finding out who it was, he got up, went over to their table, and chewed them out (after eating all of their food). Ever since that day, I knew he was someone everyone could love.

The past few months, him and I became closer. We would talk every day, seeing each other in the hallways and saying hello. Him being a popular student, that was kind of a big deal to me. I'd sit with him in class and talk, joke, sing...

It will be a very long time before I am able to listen to "Love Lockdown" without bursting into tears.

Our last day of school was yesterday. My last class I had was with him. We talked for most of the period after we finished the test.

He asked me to grab his shoes off a desk and hand them to him.

His response when I gave them to him was 'Thanks. I love you.'

The bell rang, and we walked out of the classroom. We talked about something random and I stopped at my locker down the hall. I said, 'Have a good summer, Mike!' and he said 'You too!'

I watched him walk away and turn the corner.

I remember thinking to myself... Wow. I am going to miss him this summer. I'll have to make sure to stop in at Wendy's and say hi.

I never would have thought that my last conversation with him would be so simple. So boring. So unimportant to most.

I now hold that dear to my heart. NOTHING will ever take that away from me.

NOTHING.

The shock and the pain and the horror... it's about too much for me to bear. Call me dramatic, call me too emotional, call me whatever you want to.

The day my grandmother died, I vowed that I could never feel so empty and lonely again. Never would I feel those depths of sadness in my heart.

The death of Mike King has done it.

I love you. I miss you. Rest in peace, buddy.

You'll always be a hero in my eyes. <3

It's Time to Make a Choice...

and all I want to hear is your voice.

A lot of stuff has been going through my head lately. A LOT of stuff. I'm starting to become very anxious over it, and I'm worried that all of this nonsense is going to make me go legitimately crazy.

It wouldn't be the first time.

I'll just start simple. School is over in two days. I think I mentioned this in my previous blog, but I am going to emphasize it every chance I can get.

School is over in two days.

I wish I could explain to you now good that is. Not only do I get to sleep in and hang out with friends as much as humanly possible, but I am getting away from what mostly keeps me up at night. The stress, the anxiety, and most importantly, the drama, is going far away. Even if it is for a few months, it is a few solid months of pure joy.

I can tolerate that just fine.

Part of me wants to switch schools. I could have that option if I wanted it, and I always wondered if that would be an overall good decision or not. I was faced with this dilemma last summer as well, and I ended up sticking around (obviously). I still haven't fully decided if that was a mistake or not, however. Don't get me wrong, I became close friends with a lot of people this year, and I love them to death... but if you know anything about me, you know that my relationship with my mom isn't the best, and that alone is enough to have me go mentally unstable.

Again, it wouldn't be the first time.

I wish it wasn't so damn rainy outside. I am in that perfect melancholy mood to go out and capture some pictures. Surprisingly enough, I have made the revelation that my best work has come from times when I am at a self-struggle. As emotional and depressing as that sounds, it is the truth. I think it is my way of channeling something so negative into something beautiful. Something that everyone can enjoy. Something great.

I'd like to think that, anyway...

Music is really becoming even more important in my life. I really never thought that it could be remotely possible, but I've been proven wrong. My computer has a hard time playing music, and I have no other source to listen to it from other than my car radio. Needless to say, my absolute fear of driving is being outweighed by my need for music. Things work in mysterious ways, huh?

This is what is stuck in my head now:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFR9vqxNPB0

I Don't Own Emotion - I Rent.

You know, it amazes me how many people gave up blogging. I remember when I, as well as everyone else, used to all the time, and now it seems as though everyone has been silenced. Why?

Anyway, I thought I'd give this a try. I blog more than you all know, but this is the first public one I have had in a while. ;)

School is almost over, and thank... well, I don't know who (or what) to thank. Summer being around the corner, this will be me an awesome opportunity to look for a job and to start really focusing on what matters to me: Photography. I took a few shots a couple weeks ago, and they are pretty, but I am lacking the inspiration I need to excel. That being said, I've had some offers to shoot some people and see what is made out of it. Maybe this will be the big break I've been looking for.

Maybe I'm just over-ambitious about it all.

Nonetheless, I'm going to work on it. Nothing makes me happier than my camera, and I don't see why that is an issue in anyone's right mind.