"Would people miss me if I was gone?"
Sure, everyone thinks it once in their life... but how far into depth do people go? Do people dig deep into the details?
Would half of my "friends" even know? I mean, they don't even know I have moved. They haven't attempted contact in months. Would the ones that no longer speak to me feel the horrific, stomach-wrenching feeling that the pain and suffering they put me through all of my life were the stepping stones to my impending doom? Would they find out eventually? Would they not believe it at first, or would they not at all be surprised? Would they cry immediately, or would it be a moment where everything in their body begins to hurt, ears start ringing, heart starts pounding, lungs begin to feel as if they are to explode from your body in screams of absolute peril? Would they laugh and say that I had it coming to me?
Would my family be devastated? After all, only half of my family cares about my existence anymore. Would my mother be absolutely devastated for the rest of her life? Would she be able to bring herself off of her chair to go on with living? Would she know that a significant part of why it happened was triggered by her? Would my sister be able to function after it happened? Would she blame herself even if she was the only person who knew just how depressed I really was? Would she wish she had done something? Taken me somewhere? Gotten me help? Would my future brother-in-law hurt as if I were his little sister like he often says?
Would my father hear about it? Would he care? Would he drink his pain away, or would he drink to toast away my memory since he already toasted my existence? Would his sick, twisted mind realize that all of the self-consciousness, all of the self-hate, and all of the depressive, painful, self-loathing for myself came from his mouth? His actions? Would he know that every time he called me fat, every time he said I was worthless, and every time he chose alcohol over my need for a paternal figure, he drove me to this fate? Would my step-mom regret her decision to stay with him after promising me she was on my side? Would her betrayal to me crush her heart, just has it crushed mine? Would she realize that I loved her as family just as much as everyone else, and she turned my back to us for a man who did nothing but hurt her and finance her life?
What about my 3 friends I have left? Would one of them be able to put me in front of their significant other for the first time after numerous times of calling out to her and begging her for help? Would she realize that all of the, "I know how you feel."s and "I understand completely."s were worthless because she could have been the one to just listen to me? Would she put herself aside for someone else for the short moment she finds out that I was no longer here? Would another one of them have no emotion as they so often do? Would it even hurt them? Would they make a revolting joke about it as a sick sense of comfort? Would it even affect anything in their life? Would the last one be too lazy to come to the funeral? Would they make excuses as to why they were not there? Would they even hurt because I am not the one person they are obsessed with?
What about him? How bad would I hurt him? Would his world be turned upside-down? Would this be a devastation, or would it be a sigh of relief? Would he know that I always would love him, even in death? Would he know that I had given up everything I had for his happiness and it seemed to be in vain? Would he want to follow suit? Would he hate me? Would he go back to old habits? Would I be replaced?
Everyone wonders what would happen. The question is...
Who really, REALLY wonders?
